Molested
by Karlints
Summary: A bunch of oneshots about our favorite characters being molested by various people. Yaoi and, most of the times, crack.
1. KakaNaru

Yes! I've made a new story! Be very afraid…

This one is full of insanity and just pure idiocy. When I was writing it I had no idea what'll happen next, so it's kinda choppy and just jumps from one subject to another. Simply odd.

WARNING! This oneshot has yaoi in it. Mostly KakaNaru, one-sided SasuNaru, OroNaru, OroSasu and OroNeji. It has Orochimaru in it, a perverted, slightly child-like Orochimaru. He keeps licking everyone. There is OOC-ness, molestation and pervertedness. Lots of it. And I probably missed something, too…

Yes, I know I am a sick and twisted girl and should probably burn in Hell. Don't really care. At least it's warm there.

I don't own Naruto, but if I did… Stuff like this might happen.

So, those who weren't scared off by the warnings, enjoy!

…………………

Uzumaki Naruto was being molested. He was being molested by Uchiha Sasuke, his best friend and rival.

"TEME! Let go of me!" a loud voice yelled from training ground 12, scaring birds and making them fly away.

"No way, Naru-chan, you're mine," a calmer, smug voice replied. The owner of the smug voice, Sasuke, grinned at Naruto, who was trapped between the older boy and a tree. The blonde glared and looked around for something, and smirked. It was the smirkiest smirk he had ever smirked. It was so smirky and evil, Satan shivered and several other evil characters felt very afraid. Very, very afraid. More afraid than the time Itachi started laughing hysterically.

Yes, it was that scary.

Naruto opened his mouth and yelled, "ORO-CHAN! Sasuke is molesting me again!"

Sasuke stared at the blonde. _Oro-chan?_ He thought, slightly afraid. _He can't mean…_

The brunette yelped as he felt arms wrap around his waist. A voice squealed in his ear, "Sasu-chaaaaan! Why are you molesting Naru-chan?!" You could almost hear the pout Orochimaru had. Sasuke sighed and slumped slightly as he was dragged away from Naruto. _Damn…_

Apparently, Naruto had met Orochimaru during his three year training with Jiraiya and somehow managed to get the snake to be his friend. No-one really wanted to know how he did it. After Naruto came back to Konoha, Orochimaru had been seen randomly molesting him, Sasuke and, surprisingly, Neji.

Tsunade once asked him why he kept licking the three. Orochimaru said he liked boys with pretty eyes. Jiraiya suggested he should see a shrink. Neji actually _did_ go to see a shrink, but the poor man retired after half an hour with talking to the boy and moved to Suna.

Ahem, back to the story…

Sasuke managed to escape Orochimaru after 15 minutes, after he promised to give the man a pair of his boxers.

Sasuke really didn't want to know why Orochimaru wanted his underwear.

Anyway, while Sasuke was being molested by Orochimaru, Naruto sneaked away to… do something. He wandered through the not-so-empty streets of Konoha and sighed. _Boooring…_

Suddenly, he grinned as he saw a familiar man. A man with premature gray hair.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled. The man with premature gray hair, also known as Kakashi, turned around and sighed slightly. _Damn… It's him._

Kakashi liked Naruto, he really did. It's just that the blonde could be so damn loud sometimes, and annoying. But then there were the times he was just so cute Kakashi felt like glomping the blonde. Once he actually _did_ glomp him, after Naruto tried to lick the tip of his nose, which was covered in something. Kakashi's book didn't survive that encounter, thanks to Iruka, who decided the older man had tried to rape Naruto.

Anyway… Kakashi turned around and eye-smiled at Naruto. "Yo, Naruto."

"Hey, hey, Kakashi, what are you doing?" Both Kakashi and Naruto thought that was a rather useless question, but the older man still answered.

"Nothing." Naruto nodded and fell silent. He and Kakashi were quiet for several minutes, until the blonde couldn't take it anymore.

"Soo… How have you been? Anything interesting happen?"

"Fine. Nope."

Silence again. Kakashi and Naruto stood still for several minutes, before something more-or-less interesting happened. Sasuke was walking towards them with a quick pace, glancing behind him every few seconds. He nodded politely at Kakashi, but grinned as soon as he saw Naruto.

"Hello, Kakashi-sensei, _Naru-chan_." The brunette almost purred out the last part, slinking next to Naruto and hugging (_cough_groping_cough_) him. Kakashi felt jealous.

_Damn you, Uchiha!_

Naruto, who didn't really want to be molested by Sasuke, kicked the brunette in the balls. The Uchiha fell to the ground, clutching his groin and moaning in pain. Kakashi felt like laughing hysterically and doing a happy dance, but decided not to. Mostly because the last time he did that, he was taken to an insane asylum. Kakashi hadn't liked that.

Still, the eldest male smirked, because seeing Sasuke whimpering on the ground after someone just kicked him in the groin was funny, for some, at least.

The pained moans of Sasuke attracted his stalkers, who started fussing over him. Sakura, for she was one of the Uchiha's stalkers, even tried hitting Naruto, but missed because she saw Sasuke standing up. The brunette started walking towards Naruto slowly, slightly limping.

"Naru-chan, please. I'm sure we can work this out. Now come and have hot make-up sex with me."

Naruto blinked and stared. _Sasuke… is as subtle as a pink and green elephant trying to hide behind a mouse_, were the thoughts that went through the minds of most people near the socially retarded teen. (A/N: Did that even make sense?)

"Sasuke… Did you forget to take your pills again today?" Naruto asked slowly, not really expecting an answer. Sasuke, however, still decided to answer.

"I'm not on meds anymore. It's your snake that drove me nuts." The brunette shivered slightly. Naruto looked confused.

"My snake? You mean Orochimaru?" After seeing Sasuke nod, Naruto frowned.

"He's not my snake… Though he did say that he wanted to be my, and your, 'snakey-seme', whatever that means." There was silence for about 5 seconds before Sasuke exploded.

"WHAT!? I'm going to murder him!" the brunette yelled and stomped away to go find Orochimaru, his fan club following him. Kakashi frowned. _I wanted to be Naruto's Wolfy-seme…_ he mentally whined.

Naruto stared at Kakashi. The older male glanced at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You want to be my Wolfy-seme? What the Hell?!"

Kakashi blinked. "I said that out loud? Oops…"

Naruto frowned and glared at the older man. "Yes, you said that out loud! Now what the Hell is that supposed to mean?!" (So clueless…)

Kakashi mentally cursed, but outwardly just shrugged. He stepped closer to the young blonde in front of him and whispered into his ear (something about having wild monkey sex in the middle of the street). Naruto paled slightly, and, seconds later, blushed. He stepped slightly away from Kakashi, took a deep breath and yelled, "PERVERT!"

He then walked away from the older male, ignoring the stares he got from the people around him. He kept wandering for quite some time before reaching the Hyuuga compound. The blonde stopped after he heard some shouts inside. Naruto stood there for a few seconds before deciding to enter. The guards smiled slightly and nodded to the young teen as he entered.

Now, you might be wondering, "Why is Naruto allowed into the Hyuuga compound?" Well, the answer is simple: he managed to prank Hyuuga Hiashi. But that would usually be a bad thing, right?

Wrong. Hiashi started respecting Naruto for managing to actually prank him, and allowed the boy to visit whenever he wanted. Now, back to the story…

"Let go of me, you pervert!" a voice shouted loudly and Naruto could tell it came from one of the training grounds. He jogged there and saw something that was, by now, rather usual. Orochimaru was standing there, his arms around Neji's waist, licking the poor teen. Naruto sighed.

"Oro-chan! Stop molesting Neji, I want to talk to you!" the blonde yelled and Orochimaru's head snapped up. The older man grinned, let go of Neji after one last lick and ran next to Naruto, clinging onto him instead. The Hyuuga twitched slightly as he was licked and stalked up to Naruto after he was released, hissing, "You two are hopeless!" and almost ran away from the, obviously insane, man and his friend.

"So, Naru-chan, what do you want to talk about?" Orochimaru asked after they were out of the Hyuuga compound and at the Hokage Mountain. The man was behind the boy, hugging him, and Naruto sighed slightly. He told Orochimaru everything that happened between him and Kakashi and waited for the older man to reply. Orochimaru looked thoughtful for some time.

Many would think Naruto was insane, going to Orochimaru for advice. Well, maybe he had some screws loose in his head, but that was almost needed for one to become a ninja. No, the main reason he went to him was because the snake-like man wanted to become a psychotherapist when he was younger. Mostly because Jiariya once said he took the 'the' out of psychotherapist. Still, that was enough for Orochimaru to become obsessed. He started reading some books about it but soon lost interest when he found out psychotherapists didn't have anything to do with psychos raping anything. But, he remembered something and become a part time psychotherapist.

For some reason, no-one wanted to talk to him… Anyway…

"You should let him molest you." Orochimaru said it like it was the most logical thing in the world. Naruto glared at him.

"You say that about everything!" he almost yelled. The man frowned, but still nodded.

"True. This time, however, I'm right. You said it yourself, some time ago, that you had a crush on him. Now's your chance." He grinned. "Now go to him, grasshopper, and make sensei proud." Naruto nodded. Orochimaru licked his ear and let the blonde go.

"Thanks, Oro-chan!" Naruto shouted and ran away to go find Kakashi. Orochimaru started crying in a very Gai-ish way.

"They grow up so fast! Ooh! I may get grandkids!"

I do not want to know what he meant by that, so I'm just gonna continue on with this story, ignoring Orochimaru's insaneness. And the fact that I made up this version of him.

Naruto had been walking for about 10 minutes before he finally found Kakashi, the man sitting in a tree, reading his book as usual.

_He probably has it memorized by now…_ The blonde fought the urge to giggle-no! Snigger! Guys do not giggle!

Naruto sighed as he realized his mental argument with absolutely nothing was not really helping him. All the blonde found out was that he was a girly boy who giggled occasionally. _Damn._

"Yo." Naruto shrieked when he heard a very familiar voice behind him. The blonde swirled around to glare at the man he had been stalking. Actually, Naruto didn't really want to call it stalking. It was more like… observing. Or ninja training. Yes, that's it, ninja training…

The blonde shook his head slightly and looked up to stare at Kakashi's visible eye. He sighed slightly.

"Hi, sensei." Kakashi glanced at the blonde and put away his book. He stared at the boy for some minutes and smirked as soon as Naruto blushed.

"So, _Naru-chan_, did you want to talk about something?" Naruto growled slightly; Kakashi was teasing him. _I'm not going down without a fight!_

"Yes, actually I did, _Kashi-kun_." The older man twitched slightly. _Damn brat…_

"Orochimaru said I should let you molest me." Kakashi stared at the blonde boy in front of him.

"O-kay… I think someone needs to see a therapist." The man grabbed Naruto's shoulder and started dragging him in a random direction. The blonde pouted.

"What? You don't want to molest me?" Kakashi twitched slightly and stared at Naruto again. The blonde smirked slightly and took a step closer to the older man. He quickly pulled down Kakashi's mask and kissed him. The gray haired man just stood there, surprised.

Naruto pulled back slightly and pouted at the older man. He crossed his arms on his chest and turned around, blushing slightly. Kakashi snapped out of his stupor and took a step closer to Naruto.

"Naruto… What does this make us?" he asked. Naruto grinned and answered without turning around.

"Whatever you want us to be, Kakashi. Just tell me what you want."

Kakashi smirked and swirled the blonde around to look at him before kissing him again, more passionately this time. Naruto just kissed back happily. When they finally broke apart for air, Kakashi managed to gasp out, "Does that answer your question?"

Naruto just smiled. They leaned forward for another kiss, before a loud girly squeal stopped them.

"Kyaa! Naru-chan made sensei proud! Good grasshopper! Now go and have man-babies together!" Orochimaru shouted happily. Kakashi and Naruto just stared.

"Oro-chan… You drank coffee again, didn't you?" After seeing the brunette nod, Naruto just sighed.

"Why don't you go bother Jiraiya? I'm sure he's bored… Or not. Either way, he should appreciate your company… Or not. Probably not. But go annoy him anyway." Orochimaru nodded and ran off to go find his old teammate. Naruto grinned and looked over at Kakashi, who looked very confused. He was muttering something under his breath.

"Men can't have babies… Can they?"

Naruto just laughed.

…………………

END!

Soo… insane enough for you? 'Cause I really think my IQ dropped when I was writing it. Eh…

But, be warned, there'll be more. Much, much more. If you want to help me spread the insanity, just send a pairing, a molester and a general plotline.

I rediscovered my love for KakaNaru after I watched a video on Youtube with the song "Be my Yoko Ono". After that I became obsessed with the pairing and the band who sang the song. One of the songs still manages to make me laugh each time I listen to it. It says 'They froze their asses off' about the extinction of the dinosaurs. It's hilarious!

And I have decided something. From now on, in every story Neji is in, he shall say "You are hopeless," to someone. Just 'cause it's so much fun to make him do it.

I really shouldn't be let near the computer after I've had coffee. It's bad for one's mental health…

Remember, each time a person reviews, a demon gets their horns. So think of them, for demons need love too, and REVIEW!


	2. KibaShino

Soo… This plot was given to me by Nao Shizuma, and the overview was this: Pairing: Kiba/Shino; Molester: Kiba; General Plotline: Kiba's always been curious as to what Shino looks like under his cloak-thing so he takes every opportunity to hug, grope, and attempt to strip Shino. Shino is just plain confused and has no idea as to why Kiba is doing what he's doing. Finally, Kiba goes to all out making out with Shino and finds out that his curiousity is satisfied, but now his lust is not. Shino discovers that even he has lust as well and the feeling are unmistakeably mutual. Kiba and Shino exit the scene, poofing off to Kiba's bedroom.

And as you can see, I changed it slightly… Meet Naruto, The Love Doctor! (Grins)

It is choppy, and tends to jump from one subject to another, but that's just how I write. It has no connection to the other chapter, these are just a bunch of unconnected oneshots, 'kay?

WARNINGS! This has yaoi in it, KibaShino, to be correct. It's perverted, has mentions of hot kinky mansex, has people molesting other people, and… Uh, something else, I'm sure.

I don't own Naruto. Meanies…

ENJOY!

……………..

Shino has always been mysterious and secretive, and Kiba has always been curious and determined. So, in reality, it was just a matter of time till Kiba tried to find out what Shino looked like without his glasses and cloak. However, the method he used to try to get rid of the Aburame's cloak was... unusual.

At first it wasn't that bad. Kiba just stalked Shino, sometimes trying to rip off his clothing during sparring. Shino could tolerate that: the Inuzuka often acted strange.

But Kiba wasn't known for his patience, and since stalking Shino gave no results, he decided to try a different tactic: groping. Shino was definitely surprised when one day Kiba managed to hug him from behind and grope him.

After that day, Shino simply decided to avoid Kiba. Training became awkward and Kurenai and Hinata noticed. They tried talking to Kiba first, because Shino wasn't really talkative. Actually, several people had compared him to a rock, and some even said rocks make more sound than him. Kiba had heard that and eventually had to pay a fine for 'assaulting a fellow shinobi with a stone'.

Ahem… Anyway, Kiba didn't really talk about the problem, because, according to him, there was no problem. The conversation with Shino also gave no results. He said nothing, which, in writing, would look like this: "…"

Amazing.

Anyway, Kiba and Shino seemed to get over the awkwardness after a week. They talked about it, like mature adults.

…

Okay, not really. It was more like Shino threatening Kiba and Kiba trying to become one with the tree he was leaning on. Sadly, the Inuzuka lacked spiritual balance, so he didn't fuse with the tree. It was actually good, because that same tree became toilet paper later.

Ahem… After their talk, Kiba promised not to grope Shino anymore, and he actually kept his promise. He decided to try to kiss and strip the older boy instead. For Shino, that was confusing. And annoying. Mostly annoying.

But the one thing that changed Kiba's and Shino's relationship for good was when the younger teen actually managed to corner the older brunette. Here's what happened…

Shino was just calmly walking on a random empty road, thinking about ways to torture Kiba when the younger teen tried to molest him again. He was relaxed, not expecting to meet anyone. However, his peaceful morning was ruined when Kiba decided to attack. He jumped out of a tree and pounced on the older teen, startling him.

"Kiba…" Shino growled, because he couldn't really do anything else but threaten him. His bugs had decided a long time ago that 'Dog-boy is not a threat' and never attacked Kiba. For Shino, that was really annoying.

"Yes, Shino-kun?" Kiba purred. It was strange, because he was, theoretically, more closely related to dogs than cats. Still, he purred: barking and growling would sound just too threatening.

"Get off me." Shino tried to be threatening, he really did, it was just so hard to be serious when Kiba was licking his neck. And biting and sucking it. Everyone would have problems trying to be serious under those conditions.

"No. I'm too comfortable." Shino growled again, and Kiba decided that he had waited long enough and kissed the older teen. It didn't seem to bother him that the kisses were rather one-sided. Until now, that is.

Shino had a plan. A stupid plan that was sure to fail. Still, he decided to try it. His plan was to surprise Kiba so he could escape and not leave his room for the next 6 to 12 weeks. That was the reason he kissed back when Kiba decided to assault his mouth. It had nothing to do with the urge to get the younger boy as naked as he could and then have his way with him.

Really, it didn't.

After two minutes of non-stop molesting, Kiba finally got what he wanted. No, it wasn't a new collar and leash, even if that was number two on his 'Christmas Wishes' list (let's ignore the fact that they don't celebrate Christmas there, 'kay?). It was to see Shino without his robe and glasses. And he finally succeeded. Kiba pulled back slightly to stare at Shino. He was wearing a short sleeved fishnet shirt and the younger boy also noticed the nicely developed muscles. (Why does that sound strange?)

Kiba shook his head after he realized he was drooling and lifted his head to look at Shino's eyes, instead. He noticed they were a nice purple color, very similar to a flower he saw yesterday. Kiba paused slightly and wondered why he was comparing Shino's eyes to flowers.

_Maybe I should write a poem… Your eyes are like flowers, that glow in the sunlight. __We still have many hours, so fuck me with all your might._ He paused. _Yeah… Maybe later. _(A/N: Bad poetry…)

Shino, however, realized what he was doing and escaped when Kiba paused to think about purple and poetry. He wasn't thinking about flowers, or poems, or wild hot sex. Well, he was thinking about wild hot sex, but mostly his thoughts revolved around one sentence. _What the fuck am I doing?!_

Yes, Shino swears. Horrible, isn't it? He would be a bad example to all little kids, if he talked. He's still a bad example to kids. I think. Not really sure…

Anyway, Shino went to the only person he could currently trust: Naruto. Why he trusts him, I have no idea. He just does. Or maybe he went there because the blonde seemed to always know what his friends were thinking, so Shino wouldn't have to talk more than needed…?

Okay, so it's decided: even Shino doesn't know why he went to see Naruto.

Ahem… It took Naruto 5 minutes to open the door after the brunette knocked, probably because it was 5.30 in the morning and the blonde had been sleeping. Shino thought that was weird, because everyone knows that all the good ninjas wake up before 5.

Naruto seemed to be confused when he saw Shino, who still hadn't buttoned his coat, so all the bite marks and hickeys Kiba gave him were clearly visible. The brunette's glasses were also gone, proving to Naruto that Shino did have purple eyes. Hey, there were rumors, okay? It was either pink or purple. _HAH! I won the bet._

"Shino? Why are you here? And, you do realize that you look like someone just molested you?" Naruto looked like he wanted to say more, but a small glare from Shino silenced him.

"Kiba kissed me. Why? I do not know." Naruto stared at the brunette.

"And you came to me because… you kissed him back and now you're confused… Right?" Shino just nodded. _I have to admit, it is creepy how he just seems to read our thoughts…_

While Shino was thinking, Naruto somehow managed to guide him to the sofa in the living room and pushed him down to sit on it. Shino noticed it was slightly lumpy and decided he really didn't want to know what scary things lived under the cushions.

"So… Why did you come to me?"

"…"

"… Right…"

Now, you could say Naruto was an expert at silent talk, or 'Uchiha language', as he called it, but for some reason he never really understood Shino. The brunette was creepy, rarely making a sound. Even Neji and Sasuke said the occasional 'hn', but not Shino.

As I said before, many people compared him to a rock. Naruto was one of them, though he never admitted it out loud. He had seen what Kiba did to the poor man that had said that out loud. The blonde was scared of stones for weeks after that, screaming like a little girl every time he saw one larger than a fist, and shuddering when they were smaller. But enough of that. For now.

Naruto sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Shino… Why don't you just go and try to reproduce with Kiba. You're sure to fail but at least trying is the fun part. So… just go and screw his brains out. Or let him screw your brains out, whichever you prefer."

Shino stared. And stared. And stared some more, just to get Naruto to understand that he sounded perverted (Naruto didn't understand). The blonde smiled sweetly.

"Are you going, or do I have to make you?" Shino stood up and walked out of the door, not looking back. He could hear Naruto come to the door.

"Go to Kiba's place! His mother and sister are on missions!" Shino didn't really want to know how Naruto knew that. He poofed away to go find Kiba and missed the perverted smirk on Naruto's face.

"Gonna take some pictures, gonna take some pictures, gonna take some pictures of them doing it doggy-style!" he sang and ran out of the apartment with his camera.

Sadly, when Naruto first saw Kiba and Shino, he fainted because of a nosebleed, so we'll never know what happened between them. It's all up to our imagination.

But I can say that they did it doggy style. Several times. And they used handcuffs. And whipped cream. And tons of other kinky things that came out from beneath Kiba's bed.

……………….

END!

I'm sure you're all very disappointed because I didn't do a better ending. Or a lemon. I thought about it, but there were too many ideas and… Well, just think about it yourself, that's better than a written lemon. I think.

Bah, I don't understand what I'm saying. Forgive me! PLEASE!

Ahem, but besides that… Send me more challenges, they're so fun to do! Just give me a molester, a molested character, the main pairing and a general plotline. Because I'm just too lazy to think about something myself.

REVIEW! And show some demons you love them!


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